Poor Ken.

The Great and Mighty Presto is strong in his belief that there are worse things than death, the Ken doll knows this all too well.

Why Ken's creators decided to forsake him-as well as the viability of his species-from birth, The Great and Mighty Presto can only surmise to be a mix of cruelty and curiosity. Would they want to inherit the same sense of ineptitude they have forced upon Ken? Surely the cost of adding what is a males most treasured feature would not have been such an expense, though Matel-the scoundrels, decides that they could not spare any of their pretty little pennies to spare Ken's pride. Then go look at what they've given his "girlfriend" over there, breasts that are comically unproportioned just to accentuate the complete and utter lack of attention given to Ken's non-existent genitalia. There is no hope for Ken, he likely has his own desires, though due to the dastardly acts of his creators, those will surely turn to only spite and self-pity, Ken boasting only the features Matel thought he should have, and not the one that could at least give him some illusion of validity in his manhood, something to make him more than a vaguely male-shaped accessory to Mattel's precious Barbie, leaving his mind intact, and his body deformed in what can only be described as the worst state a mortal man could ever hope to achieve, losing the one thing all he should(extremely validly and not over sentimentally) value over all else. The Great and Mighty Presto feels this matter is one that may not be left unattended to, Ken must not be left in his forced state of androgynism, we must save him.

N is for no survivooooooors...

The Great and mighty Presto is often baffled at the duality that lies within mortal nature, often that which is rather hypocritical, perhaps this is why mortals have taken such a liking to radioactive substances. At first, the craze surrounding these compounds isn't quite so sinister, while you would hope that mortals wouldn't go around finding substances with an eerie glow to rub themselves down with, they also did not share the knowledge we have now on the effects of such substances. Though, even now in the modern day, after we have seen the effects of these substances firsthand, we still make use of them, and to be fair in some cases for good reason. Nucleur power actually is rather useful, it does not produce emissions, is relatively inexpensive, and it can be made in quite practical quantities. Though it still has its faults, look no further than Japan's incident not that long ago in which one of their reactors went the way of chernobyl to see the effects that this form of energy can have, regardless of whether or not the positives out way the detriments. To be fair, that isn't the only reason that Japan is a good example of the negative effects of radiation... The Great and Mighty Presto's guilt trip time is nigh, and this time his target is mortal kind's obsessive stocking of nucleur weaponry in the last century. Unlike nucleur power, the entire purpose of these weapons is not to help mortals, but to grant power to mortal governments and to kill other mortals, the duality still exists, but in this case both sides are equally sickening. Though, don't look to the cold war when we there was enough nucleur weapons in the U.S. alone to cover the globe multiple times over, and don't look to common sense to dictate that having these weapons around in such vast quantities can only lead to mortal kind's self assured destruction, just keep on building more good ol' weapons of mass destruction. In fact why don't you go try out biological warfare next? Supposedly it's the new hot craze.

Seriously though, he wasn't joking, the guy really did have a point!

Well, seeing as how redundancy seems to be the fortee of the mortal giving The Great and Presto his topics of discussion, The Great and Mighty Presto shall add his most glorious words to this debate. "The Fearless Girl" is truly a rather perplexing dilemma, The Great and Mighty Presto has previously stated his support for mortals treating one another with equal respect, and so The Great and Mighty Presto very much appreciated what the statue represents. Though another issue is just how adversely impacted the statue it works off of, Charging Bull, it takes what is supposed to be representative of the strength of the American People, and turns it into a symbol of sexism and chauvinistic oppression. For that reason, the mortal who created the Charging Bull is understandably perterved, and his desire for the statue to be removed, really is understandable when a moment is taken to evaluate the proposal, especially when taken into consideration that his bull was made and funded by him alone, while the Fearless Girl was commissioned by a company with plenty of capital to spare on the expense, he put far more of his own assets into his work than they had to, and so his outrage at its defacement is relatively understandable. When it comes to what should actually be done though, if anything, The Great and Mighty Presto is going to cop ou- sympathetically reject giving a statement on this matter, simply put, both sides of this argument are strongly backed, and judging by the fact that both statues still remain, regardless of The Great and Mighty Presto's statement, there will likely not be anything done to The Fearless Girl, regardless of whether or not something ought to be.

The Opinion Police

One pressing issue of modern times is the lack of respect mortals are endowed with for the opinions of their fellow men. The Great and Mighty Presto wishes to preface this with one thing: this is not going to be an issue with just one side of the political spectrum, this is an issue with the entirety of the mortal population as a whole. Whether your a bleeding-heart liberal, or a hard-ass conservative, you don't seem to understand the other side has an equally valid opinion, even if you disagree with it. This is not to say you should not push for your opinion to prevail, or that everyone should join hands and frolic off into the sunset together, no, this is to say that while you disagree with one another, you should do so respectfully. Calling your opponent a conservative asshole or liberal hack is not the proper way to begin negotiations. This is exactly why  the political system is so polarized, and as long as this is the dominant sentiment, no matter who is in office or what current policies entail someone will always be unhappy with the current state of matters. The only way that we can possibly create an environment in which both sides could be happy about how matters are dealt with is if we can work together towards a common goal and respect the validity of the others opinions, This is not to say all opinions are respectable though, there are outliers, such as literally being a Nazi, fascist, racist, or general bigot, though while we should strive for a time those sentiments are not prevalent, at the time being you will have to deal with some mortals who aren't on the right track.

Words mean exactly what they mean

    The Great and Mighty Presto cares to explain his wondrous opinion on a recent subject. That being the motion that "words don't mean what they mean", which is quite obviously a paradoxical statement to begin with, and while the mortal responsible for writing the piece by that very name that has prompted this discussion likely did not intend on this phrase being taken quite literally, The Great and Mighty Presto is still rather perturbed at this mortals "insights". They discuss plenty of different ways in which words are used in uncouth manners, such as veiled threats, innuendos, double entendre, ect. Though while, yes they are rather unorthodox manners in which to use the words, that does not mean that they "don't mean what they mean". This is due to the fact that when used in this manner, they still have a meaning, albeit a different one. Though, they aren't used to confuse the mortal they are spoken to now are they? When used in these manners they are still often phrased in a manner in which they are meant to convey the speaker's point, even if it goes over the listeners head. Yes, when we use words in these manners, it's not as though we strip them of their identity, but rather that we temporarily ascribe them a new one, they still mean what they mean, they just mean more than what they traditionally do, they imply additional information, not lack that which they possessed prior. To be more correct, The Great and Mighty Presto would suggest this mortal rename their piece to "Words Can Mean More Than We Think They Can".

Subjectivity

The Great and Mighty Presto, has come to believe that achieving any sort of universal truth is seemingly impossible due to a little thing called subjectivity. It's no secret that all of you mortals view everything differently, though what The Great and Mighty Presto is referring to is the fact that two mortals may view any one thing and depending on what characteristics of it they decide to fixate themselves upon or exaggerate, their opinions may be polar opposites. Literally any point you wish to make, you can take any sort of detail and twist it to seem utterly disgusting. Two different mortals could view a man eating a bowl of soup, and while one may say "The man ate a bowl of soup", the other may just say "The man forced the vile yellow broth into his mouth, it churning down the front of his face, greasy and wet, as he attempts to choke down the maimed carcass of a pheasant". While you could obviously say "wow that second guy sure gets intense over soup" the point is still that he was able to twist the details in a manner that certainly makes that chicken noodle seem less appetizing. While some mortals may have similar views, in all of The Great and Mighty Presto's obviously extensive experience, he's never encountered two mortals sharing the exact same views on any one thing. This must be why Mortals always bicker over literally everything, and why mortal politics are suck a sticky quagmire, literally anything someone says, can be backed with it just being their own interpretation, no matter how irrational or plainly wrong... The Great and Mighty Presto sees fit to make use of this.

An Arrogant Agreement

Well, yet another text has peaked the interest of the Great and Mighty Presto, that being "A Modest Proposal" by Jonathan Swift. This mortal explains his views on how to best solve ireland's issue of poverty during his time, completely literally, and not at all using sarcasm nor hyperbole, as that would be dumb. In this, he describes his proposed method consists of the consumption of the one year old infants within ireland, after all they serve as nothing more than a burden to their families, and this way their would both be means of selling them as to increase a households financial reserves, as well as alleviating the burden on the country as a whole by having less mouths to feed. The only issue The Great and Mighty Presto then has is the ick factor that comes into play when electing to feast upon mortal infants, Swift though assures us, through sources that shall be assumed to be credible-as The Great and Mighty Presto does not desire to check- that the actual meat that is recovered from this practice is supposedly quite delectable. Though, what this brings to The Great and Mighty Presto's mind is simply the thought that he may not be taking this quite far enough. Surely after all there is more figurative and quite literal fat to trim in modern times, what about mortals who refuse to pay their taxes?  They aren't following through with their societal duties after all, so what if we also "processed" them? Oh and don't give your glorious leader all that "but don't you think that killing and eating people is wrong", and "don't we at least have the rights to die with dignity?" crap, what a bleeding-heart liberal.