The Opinion Police

One pressing issue of modern times is the lack of respect mortals are endowed with for the opinions of their fellow men. The Great and Mighty Presto wishes to preface this with one thing: this is not going to be an issue with just one side of the political spectrum, this is an issue with the entirety of the mortal population as a whole. Whether your a bleeding-heart liberal, or a hard-ass conservative, you don't seem to understand the other side has an equally valid opinion, even if you disagree with it. This is not to say you should not push for your opinion to prevail, or that everyone should join hands and frolic off into the sunset together, no, this is to say that while you disagree with one another, you should do so respectfully. Calling your opponent a conservative asshole or liberal hack is not the proper way to begin negotiations. This is exactly why  the political system is so polarized, and as long as this is the dominant sentiment, no matter who is in office or what current policies entail someone will always be unhappy with the current state of matters. The only way that we can possibly create an environment in which both sides could be happy about how matters are dealt with is if we can work together towards a common goal and respect the validity of the others opinions, This is not to say all opinions are respectable though, there are outliers, such as literally being a Nazi, fascist, racist, or general bigot, though while we should strive for a time those sentiments are not prevalent, at the time being you will have to deal with some mortals who aren't on the right track.

Words mean exactly what they mean

    The Great and Mighty Presto cares to explain his wondrous opinion on a recent subject. That being the motion that "words don't mean what they mean", which is quite obviously a paradoxical statement to begin with, and while the mortal responsible for writing the piece by that very name that has prompted this discussion likely did not intend on this phrase being taken quite literally, The Great and Mighty Presto is still rather perturbed at this mortals "insights". They discuss plenty of different ways in which words are used in uncouth manners, such as veiled threats, innuendos, double entendre, ect. Though while, yes they are rather unorthodox manners in which to use the words, that does not mean that they "don't mean what they mean". This is due to the fact that when used in this manner, they still have a meaning, albeit a different one. Though, they aren't used to confuse the mortal they are spoken to now are they? When used in these manners they are still often phrased in a manner in which they are meant to convey the speaker's point, even if it goes over the listeners head. Yes, when we use words in these manners, it's not as though we strip them of their identity, but rather that we temporarily ascribe them a new one, they still mean what they mean, they just mean more than what they traditionally do, they imply additional information, not lack that which they possessed prior. To be more correct, The Great and Mighty Presto would suggest this mortal rename their piece to "Words Can Mean More Than We Think They Can".

Subjectivity

The Great and Mighty Presto, has come to believe that achieving any sort of universal truth is seemingly impossible due to a little thing called subjectivity. It's no secret that all of you mortals view everything differently, though what The Great and Mighty Presto is referring to is the fact that two mortals may view any one thing and depending on what characteristics of it they decide to fixate themselves upon or exaggerate, their opinions may be polar opposites. Literally any point you wish to make, you can take any sort of detail and twist it to seem utterly disgusting. Two different mortals could view a man eating a bowl of soup, and while one may say "The man ate a bowl of soup", the other may just say "The man forced the vile yellow broth into his mouth, it churning down the front of his face, greasy and wet, as he attempts to choke down the maimed carcass of a pheasant". While you could obviously say "wow that second guy sure gets intense over soup" the point is still that he was able to twist the details in a manner that certainly makes that chicken noodle seem less appetizing. While some mortals may have similar views, in all of The Great and Mighty Presto's obviously extensive experience, he's never encountered two mortals sharing the exact same views on any one thing. This must be why Mortals always bicker over literally everything, and why mortal politics are suck a sticky quagmire, literally anything someone says, can be backed with it just being their own interpretation, no matter how irrational or plainly wrong... The Great and Mighty Presto sees fit to make use of this.

An Arrogant Agreement

Well, yet another text has peaked the interest of the Great and Mighty Presto, that being "A Modest Proposal" by Jonathan Swift. This mortal explains his views on how to best solve ireland's issue of poverty during his time, completely literally, and not at all using sarcasm nor hyperbole, as that would be dumb. In this, he describes his proposed method consists of the consumption of the one year old infants within ireland, after all they serve as nothing more than a burden to their families, and this way their would both be means of selling them as to increase a households financial reserves, as well as alleviating the burden on the country as a whole by having less mouths to feed. The only issue The Great and Mighty Presto then has is the ick factor that comes into play when electing to feast upon mortal infants, Swift though assures us, through sources that shall be assumed to be credible-as The Great and Mighty Presto does not desire to check- that the actual meat that is recovered from this practice is supposedly quite delectable. Though, what this brings to The Great and Mighty Presto's mind is simply the thought that he may not be taking this quite far enough. Surely after all there is more figurative and quite literal fat to trim in modern times, what about mortals who refuse to pay their taxes?  They aren't following through with their societal duties after all, so what if we also "processed" them? Oh and don't give your glorious leader all that "but don't you think that killing and eating people is wrong", and "don't we at least have the rights to die with dignity?" crap, what a bleeding-heart liberal.